A Messed Up Thanksgiving
by Numbuh Phenon
Summary: Motion controls, skewed references to pie and handcuffs? The holidays just get more hectic every year.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Codename Kids Next Door.

* * *

_Game Match!_

_Player 2 Wins!_

"Oooh YEAH!" A fully grown adult Rachel suddenly cheered once the scoreboard listed the results of the last virtual round. The blonde woman made an exaggerated fist pump, letting the Wii Remote dangle from her wrist by the safety clip. A wicked grin emerged as she turned to the stunned man beside her, and she had no shame in showboating. "In your FACE! You, sir, officially SUCK!"

"T-That's not right!" Hoagie spluttered, still not believing the results before him. It defied all known logic, Rachel had the title of 'worst video game player in the history of forever', so how the hell did he lose? The aged man gripped the white remote in his hand and sent it a malicious glare. It was all its fault he was failing! "It's this stupid, unresponsive control scheme! How was I supposed to know I needed to _shake it_?"

Behind them seated on the Uno's large cerulean couch, Abby, Wally, and the spanish pilot who went by the nickname 'Ace', watched the two before them with keen interest. The blond Aussie let out a hearty laugh at his portly friend's predicament. "That's kinda the point of, 'motion control', mate." Ace laughed along, and Abby rose a hand to conceal her own amusement.

At the man's response, Hoagie looked over his shoulder and sent a dry glare towards the other man. "Back when I was a kid, shaking the controller like a lunatic just made you look retarded."

Abby only offered a smug smirk. "If it helps, baby, you both still look pretty retarded."

Caught up in her victory, Rachel only scoffed and tried to twirl the Wii remote in her hand like some sort of expert. "Well I may look retarded, but at least I'm looking retarded and WINNING!" The control slipped out of her hand, and she made something of a squeaking noise as it fumbled in her hands. Once she had it firmly in her hand, she nervously chuckled before regaining her confidence. "Come on tons of fun, I shall lay the smack down on you!"

Hoagie's pupils sparkled with challenge as he pointed the remote towards the television set. "Bring it, blondie. You just got lucky is all!" The round began yet again, and Hoagie's character immediately jumped as Rachel's passed under. At the peak of it's height, the comedian vigorously shook the remote, and the character honed in on its opponent. When he landed a hit, he grinned and called out to the kitchen as Rachel fumed. "Hey Nigel! Your wife is going down!"

"Yeah, good luck with _that_." Was the snippy reply from the stuffy part of the home. Thanksgiving dinner was currently in the making, and Nigel and Kuki were hard at work while the other adults merely lunged around. The men were watching sports, but when the children suddenly disappeared into their treehouse, Rachel jumped on the opportunity to play with the Nintendo Wii system. Being the old gaming nerd he was, Hoagie agreed to participate as well, but his current losing streak was not something he predicted.

Abby looked away from her husband being clobbered yet again and sent a longing look towards the kitchen. The delicious aroma delighted her senses, and she absentmindedly rubbed her slightly bulging belly as she became impatient once more. "Will you two quit making out in there and hurry up. When is it gonna be ready, I'm feeding for two!"

"KIYA! IT'LL BE READY WHEN IT'S READY!" Came the agitated shout from the stressed out Asian. Kuki's head suddenly popped out of the doorway, and her left eye twitched when a stray strand of hair fell in front of her face. "Quit rushing me! I have enough crap to deal – DAMNIT NIGEL! PUT DOWN THAT SALT RIGHT NOW!" She suddenly disappeared back into the kitchen, and the sounds of pots banging followed by a wail of pain soon echoed.

Ace rose a brow at the noises he heard coming from the other room. Once they calmed down, he leaned over in Wally's direction. "And you _live_ with her?"

The blond shrugged. "She only gets this crazy around the holidays." He then turned back towards Rachel and Hoagie, only to shift his attention across the room when a redhead suddenly appeared. "Speaking of crazy…"

"Shirley! Come out this instant!" Lizzie grumbled out with her hands squarely centered on her hips. The woman pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and she sent a withering glare over towards the couch. She then marched forward, ignoring a dancing Rachel and weeping Hoagie, and halted in front of Ace. Abby and Wally scooted away for safety reasons and Ace shifted his eyes as Lizzie's look never wavered. "Arnaldo, where is Shirley? You were supposed to be watching him!"

"He wanted to play with Carl." The auburn man shrugged as he chose his words carefully. "Maybe he's in the treehouse with the kids."

At that thought, Lizzie snapped her hand into the air. "Oh no no no no! No son of MINE is joining that Kids Next Door thingy and becoming a horrible boyfriend because he wants to play _hero!_" She hissed vehemently with the last word.

Abby looked up at the woman in confusion. "Girl, _what_ are you talking about?"

"Never mind." The woman huffed. She then stomped on the ground and took off in an opposite direction. "Shirley, this isn't funny young man! Al llegar a mamá en este momento señor!" She rattled as she disappeared to another part of the house.

As soon as Lizzie disappeared, a small redheaded toddler tiptoed out from behind the couch. The small boy stood to see if the coast was clear, then cutely climbed up the couch into Ace's lap. The child smoothed out the crinkles of his red sweater, then looked up to his father and held out his hand with an expectant expression.

Wally blinked twice as he saw the spanish man dig into his pocket. "Why is your son hiding from your cook?" His emerald pupils then widened in even more shock as Ace passed a five dollar bill to the small child. "And why are you paying him for it?"

Ace chuckled as Shirley gazed at the money in his hand with awe. "Because, as long as Lizzie's looking for Shirley, she's nowhere near the kitchen."

Wally developed a thoughtful expression, before reaching into his own pocket and producing a one dollar bill. Once he unfolded it, he passed it to Shirley and conveyed a silent message. "Go hide in the upstairs bedroom closet. That oughta buy ya some time." The boy giggled as he nodded his head, then hoped off the couch and snuck up the stairs. With their dinner apparently safe, the blond hiked his leg up as he went back to watching Rachel annihilate Hoagie once more.

"Are you sure that's enough stuffing?" Nigel questioned as he gazed into the oven. His brows furrowed behind his glasses and he rose his hand to the handle, only for it to get slapped by a metal whisk. "OW! Hey!"

"I swear to God, Nigel, you step away from the oven or I'm gonna stuff YOU!" The woman then flung the cooking utensil to some foreign corner of the room and forced herself to calm down. "Just put the rolls in the bun warmer while I get the ham."

"Fine." The British man huffed before turning towards the said rolls. As he carried on with his task, his eyes flicked towards the clock to gauge time. After noting how late it gotten, he snapped to Kuki with a look of urgency. "Quick! Take the cheesecake out of the fridge!"

"What!" The woman raged as she looked at the man with a look of surprise and anger. "I told you we had enough desserts! Why in the seven hells did you make a cheesecake without telling me?"

Nigel quickly tossed the buns into their holder before the scalding pieces of dough could burn the skin of his fingers. "I made cheesecake – hot – so I can have 'pie' later – HOT!" He hissed once the final one had been put away. His body then leaned over the counter as he shook his hand to try and quell the discomforting heat within it.

Kuki froze in her task, and let a disgusted look crawl up her features. "Oh thanks, now I suddenly don't feel like eating at all." The woman's eyes suddenly closed and she slumped while she let out a long, childish whine. "You've completely ruined pie for me, you selfish pig!"

"Oh, quit being a baby." Nigel mumbled as he wandered over to the sink to put his hands under the light trickle of water. "Just cut the ham while I set up the potato salad and casserole."

"YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY CASSEROLE!" Kuki snarled causing the poor man to cringe. Nigel gulped as the annoyed Asian stomped closer, and before he could escape, her wrist snapped out and she was suddenly holding him up by the collar of his 'Kiss-the-cook' holiday sweater he somehow got conned into wearing. "You listen here you son of b–"

_DING!_

"– I finally got Lizzie out of here and I'm not letting your f–"

_DING!_

"–ing obsession with salt ruin this dinner! So you better get your s–"

_DING!_

" – straight and cooperate or remove yourself from this kitchen before I do it by shoving my foot so far up your –"

_DING!_

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" Kuki finally raged as the irritating dinging noise kept sounding off. Both her and the captive Nigel glanced to the source of the noise and Kuki found herself confused as she looked towards the oven which was making the noise. "Wha?"

"Uh," Nigel interrupted carefully. "I…think it's ready."

Kuki just stared at the dinging oven before dropping Nigel with a sigh. "Screw it. Go get the turkey out." She then fixed her wild hair before sticking her head out the door. "If you want to eat, get your butts in here and help set up!"

* * *

"Finally." Abby heaved as she took her seat. Her hands fled to her round belly as she let her eyes trail over the feast before them. The assortment of steaming foods was enough to tingle any person's taste buds. The pregnant woman's eyes centered on the platters near the middle of the dinning room table and she suddenly had a craving for a turkey, ham, and deviled egg sandwich with gravy. "I was thinking about killing someone if y'all didn't hurry up and cook."

At her side, Hoagie mildly chuckled as he took in his spouse. "Calm down, Abby. No need to act all crazy."

Suddenly, the mocha skinned beauty snapped on him, her eyes wild with emotion. "OH, so you think Abby's crazy!"

"N-No!" The now frightened man began to deny as his wife entered the dreaded 'third person'. Damn mood swings. "H-Hoagie doesn't think Abby's crazy, he's just wondering w-where she is right now."

"Well that aside, you two did a wonderful job this year." Rachel commented with a light smile. As she stood over her table, she reached over and slid the bowl containing the rolls over to the side just a bit. Her nitpicking nature wanted everything to look neat and presentable before everyone dug in. "You put the desserts over on the…counter…" The blonde trailed off slowly as she stared at a certain item that had her full attention. "Is that cheesecake?"

Nigel noticed her reaction, and smirked as he puffed out his chest. "Yes, I made it. Thought you might like it."

Rachel continued to stare at her favorite treat, suddenly feeling like skipping the main course. "I love you."

"Oh spare me." Kuki moaned as she buried her head in her arms. She let a long drawn out groan as the events of the day took a toll on her patience. All she wanted to do now was eat her dinner, go home, and watch kiddy Thanksgiving specials until she feel dead asleep. Yes, sleep the blissful night away until tomorrow. Tomorrow… "Aiyaaa." She sniffled as tears threatened to spill over. Tomorrow was _Black Friday! _Couldn't she ever get a break?

Wally looked down at his wife's hunched over form and rubbed her back in comfort. He looked up towards Rachel sitting down, yet sending greedy glances over towards the cheesecake. Jumping to the wrong conclusion, the Aussie smiled as he attempted to cheer Kuki up. "Aw lighten up Kooks, I brought that banana pie ya loike." At the mention of pie, Kuki's head snapped up. Her face then slipped into a menacing sneer as she plucked up a roll, aimed at an unsuspecting Nigel, and cocked her arm back.

"I HATE YOU!" She roared at the bald man as she threw the roll. The bread hit Nigel in the mouth with surprising force, and the Brit gagged on it as he was knocked down into the floor.

Ace tapped his hands on the table as he watched the events unfold. After Nigel hit the floor, he finally coughed and waved his hands about. "So, uh, we gonna eat or…?" The clicks of heels against the floor made him looked towards the door, and he sheepishly grinned as he saw Lizzie step in. One arm held Shirley, who was far too busy fiddling with his mother's hair, and the other arm was tucked behind her back. "Oh hey, Liz. You found Shirley?"

"I found Shirley." Lizzie snidely began as she sent a sharp glare in Rachel direction. The blond looked confused, but the redhead continued nevertheless. "I found him upstairs in the master bedroom closet…playing with THESE!" Her arm snapped out to reveal her hand holding a pair of purple fuzzy handcuffs, and she was outraged at the thought of her son innocently toying with the items.

There was a tense, awkward silence as everyone slowly turned their heads towards Rachel. The blond herself just sat there, frozen in embarrassment and her face a deep hue of red. A groan at her side caused her to look down, and she saw Nigel climbing back up and spitting bits of bread out of his mouth.

"Peh!" He spat as he fixed his crooked eye wear. He then glanced around and noticed that everyone was staring at him. "What?" He then looked towards Lizzie, and his eyes widened once he saw what was in her hands. With a flustered look of his own, he slowly sunk back down under the table.

Hoagie blinked at the whackness, then finally clapped his hands to break the trance. "Ooookaay. Who's hungry? I'm hungry. Let's fix the kids' plates first then…wait." He then glanced over towards the smaller table for the children, and scratched his head when he saw all the chairs were empty. "Where's the kids?"

* * *

"Numbuh 4.3, do me a favor. Next time you build a time machine, please inform me when you finish it," Katherine Uno, current leader of Sector V began with a level tone. The blonde then snapped and raged at the Aussie/Asian tied up next to her. "SO I CAN SLAM IT AGAINST YOUR SKULL!"

The children were currently being held prisoner by an civilization long since passed. The adults around them bulged with muscles, and the sharp edges of their armor looked very intimidating. They were all gathered in some dome like structure with towering columns all around. They were apparently awaiting judgment.

To Katherine's left, a small ebony haired boy with nerdy glasses huffed as his commander yelled into his ear. "Don't pin this entire desperate, bleak situation on my sole person! Had it not been for that simpleminded bag of blood and genes I have the unfortunate luck of calling a sister, we would not be trapped in this mess!"

"But you never told me what the pretty thing did!" A girl with blond pigtails and pink rainbow monkey sweater whined. "It was SO shiny, and I wanted to know what the big button did!"

"And _that's_ why I keep telling you to stay out of my 2x4 Laboratory!"

"So dude, we're, like, in New Jersey right?" An African-American child with an old red cap on backwards spoke out as he glanced around him. The small boy took in every feature of his surroundings. Men wearing armor, helmet with feathers, and wielding spears. Chicks with togas. And Greek like writing on the wall? Yep, this looked like New Jersey to him. Suddenly his mouth dropped open. "Wait! We're in the past, so this must be _Old _Jersey!"

"I wanna go home." Katherine moaned as she lowered her head. Here she was stuck in some cliched time travel scenario when she could be back in her warm cosy house celebrating Thanksgiving. What she would give to see her dad fight with Mrs. Beatles in the kitchen, or see her mom trying to smack talk while playing the Wii. Heck, she would prefer her brother's annoying habits over…oh crud, her brother!

"Where's Numbuh 368?" She asked fearfully as she looked high and low for her sibling. Suddenly, a man and child walked out from the gates on the other side of the dome. Katherine's body filled with shock as she recognized the kid. "KENNY!"

Kenny grumbled as he was forced to walk along. This rope was burning his wrists. His frame then filled with fear as he stopped right on the edge of a large, endless pit that went on and on. He couldn't even see the bottom in the darkness. Must have been a long way down. He then flinched when the adult soldiers began to shout around; waving their spears and weapons in the air.

The young operative managed to look over and see the rest of his team, then back down to the hole in front of him. "This is madness!" He then felt a shadow come over him, and he gulped as he glanced over his shoulder at the adult behind him.

The muscular man snorted at the child that appeared out of nowhere and ruined the glorious feasts. His teeth gritted into a snarl as he lifted his foot up. "This. Is. SPARTA!"

The man then jerked his foot forward, and booted Kenny over into the hole; him screaming all the way down. "TIME TRAVEL SUUUUUUUUCKS!"

Back with the other four, Numbuh 4.3 scoffed. "Wow. _Someone_ really went out of their way for that reference." He then spared a look to his commander, and sighed at her devastated look. "Oh he'll be fine. I gave him the new jet boots this morning."

* * *

**Happy Thanksgiving everybody.**

**Later.**


End file.
